The Power of Learning from DAD

Lesson 11 – Influence – Part 1

Often when we talk about influence, we are thinking intrapersonal: that is, we are thinking about how we can influence others. In this lesson, when we talk about influence we are thinking interpersonally: that is, we are thinking about how we can influence ourselves. Self-influence is by far the most powerful tool in your arsenal to achieve success. This is because success requires that you take control of your thinking, to develop a great attitude, and success requires that you take control of your behaviour, so that you complete activities that are initially difficult, such as going for the Sunday morning jog after a busy week. The ability to influence yourself will determine whether you have the discipline and motivation to adopt the behaviors and attitudes necessary to achieve your goal.

Before looking in some detail at how to go about influencing the self, we need to get a little clearer on what is meant by influencing the self. To influence the self means to impress an idea upon oneself in such a way that this new idea is adopted in feeling or in practice. That idea could be about the sort of attitude you wish to have or the sorts of behavior that you wish to adopt. You will have successfully influenced the self if you have coopted yourself into adopting the attitude or the behavior that you were seeking to implement.

The question then becomes, how do you impress an idea upon the self that sticks? How do you influence the self? To answer this question, we must first understand that the mind can be split into two parts. We have the conscious mind and we have the subconscious mind. Influencing oneself is about getting an idea to take root in the subconscious mind. We do this simply by becoming intentional about the kinds of thoughts we wish to be situated there. Having selected the thoughts we wish to take root, we work to associate these ideas with strong emotions. For example, it is not just the thought that “exercise is a form of self-care and I care about myself” repeated routinely as a mantra that will encourage the idea of exercise on a cold and raining Saturday morning to take root. This thought must be mixed with strong emotions, and it is the strength and power of this emotion that will encourage the idea to take root in the subconscious mind.

Influencing the subconscious mind however, is not only about what we put into the subconscious mind, it is also about what we intentionally keep out. Guarding against any thinking that contravenes the thoughts we wish to have present in the subconscious mind is critical. The subconscious mind is like a garden. We may voluntarily feed the subconscious minds on thoughts of a positive and creative nature, enabling these ideas to bloom or else, we can through neglect or by design, feed the subconscious thoughts of a negative or disruptive nature, leading to a garden populated by weeds: ineffectual thoughts and habits that are unable to support us to achieve our goals.

“We have complete control over the material that reaches our subconscious mind – it is our choice to exercise that control as a gardener exercise control over which crops to propagate”

The method outlined here, to influence oneself by means of influencing the subconscious mind is impartial, it works for everyone. The method plays no favorites. It will work for one person as effectively as it will work for another. The method requires only that you are persistent in your efforts to attach emotions to the attitude and behaviour that you most desire to take root. Once you have attuned your subconscious mind to the attitudes and behaviour you want, it will begin to go to work for you. You will find that ideas or plans will flash into your mind, for the completion of your chosen goal. When this begins to happen act quickly on these insights with the resolve that the object of your desire shall be yours.

Lesson 11 – Influence – Part 2

Towards the end of the last video, we began to talk about intuition. More specifically, we said that when you intentionally embed attitudes and behaviour into your subconscious mind that align with the achievement of your goals, you will get ideas or plans flash into your mind for the completion of those goals. That is to say, you will activate the faculty of intuition and that faculty will begin to work for you.

To say that we should use intuition to create a plan for the achievement of our goals, and to say that the process of influencing yourself is more fundamental than the process of influencing others, may seem unusual. Here we are sharing a variety of ideas and tools that have helped many to achieve success, we request that you simply keep an open mind. Do not take anything we say at face value. Keep on adding to your pool of knowledge and experience on the topic of success creation and human potential: be forever a student. After all, it is said that the learners will conquer the world, and the learned will be left behind. As you read and research more, you will find that many of the ideas presented here exist in different iterations elsewhere, and this accumulation of ideas may prove useful.

In general, most adults are skeptical of new ideas and even more so of new opportunities. The latter – skepticism of opportunities – is worth discussing in greater detail. If you are offered a lucrative business deal, you may well be skeptical of the motives of the seller, and walk away from the deal on that basis. What is going on here? You are being presented with an opportunity that you choose not to act on. This is an odd state of affairs. Opportunity, like success, is something that is attracted to you because of your attitude and behaviour. This business deal, therefore, has come to you because you have attracted it through your attitudes and behaviors. As it is you who have attracted the opportunity, the only question to consider in the negotiation phase is whether the offer being made is one that you would, on reflection, like to pursue or not. The motivation of the seller is entirely irrelevant. While an examination of the deal before you is certainly required, skepticism about the opportunity itself can be a form of self-sabotage.

This point can apply to all opportunities. It could be a business, the purchase of a house, or even a relationship. As it is you who attracted it, the significant question is whether or not you want to take on board the opportunity being offered. Here asking someone else whether you should proceed or not, can be a source of confusion. It is you, and not others, who are attracting the new thing. It is therefore for you, and not for others to decide whether this is something that you want or not. It makes little sense to be seeking answers externally. The question is rather to ask yourself, do you want the thing or not, does it align with your long-term goals, your values and your purpose? If it does, simply go for it! Remember that opportunities are coming to you precisely because you are attracting them, so it is for you and for you alone to decide whether those opportunities fit or not.

It may seem paradoxical that we might seek advice and clarity from others about what our dreams and desires are, however this is exactly what we do, and it is exactly what our education system has trained us to do: to take the ideas from the outside and bring them into the inside, the internal mental space. This style of outside-in learning is simply being extrapolated and transposed to areas in life where the model does not fit. Acting on opportunities often comes down simply to what it is you want, and seeking clarity from another about what you want to do exports our responsibility for decision making to others. Evaluating opportunities for success is very much, however, an internal matter. When we are looking to what is within ourselves and we have faith that what is attracted is a result of our own internal efforts, we are able to act on more opportunities and to take full ownership of our decisions. When we do this, we can truly say, “I am the master of my own destiny”

In sum: When we are talking about influence, we are not talking about using words or gestures to influence others, which often bleeds into a form of manipulation. The most powerful form of influencing is influencing oneself. It is important to understand that the whole concept of influencing is an internal mechanism. It is about shifting our own behaviour and mindset so as to attract the things that we want more of in life. When, by means of this mechanism we attract opportunities into our lives, it is important to remember to take decisions on pursuing those opportunities based on our own wants and desires. To seek advice from others on whether or not to pursue these opportunities is a little like asking others what it is that we really want, which is strange, to say the least.